Day 6

Today's Topic is Friendship

www.51in51days.blogspot.com is a blog about the journey of getting my life back 

on track in the 51 days leading up to my 51st birthday on January 13, 2013.

DAY 6

Good Morning. I am feeling much better than yesterday. Though I am still in my head quite a bit. I debated whether to send a letter of how I felt to my "friend" who had acted unkindly towards me. However, last night I had a conversation with my roommate. I told him the entire story, and concluded with that I had written a letter to her, but had not sent it yet. He replied, like many of my other friends, "Forget her." And I replied, "But I'm upset!" And he looked at me and said, "Don't be, just accept her for what she is. Not worth your time." At that moment, surprisingly, some how I took what he said to heart.  I mean it had a profound effect on me.  The most important part of his statement was, "Don't be." (Angry, sad, etc)  So simple, yet something I have not grasped in the 50 years of life. I had not known her that long, a mere four months. And as I got to know her, I liked her less and less. I had noticed things about her personality that I did not agree with. I was starting to see how controlling she was, and childlike. She wanted to be taken care of, yet she also wanted total control. It was an odd hybrid. Yet, I gave her the benefit of the doubt due to her illness. But what about my part in in. I need to look at my behavior in this.  I should have booked out of our friendship about 8 weeks ago when I noticed her quickness to snap at me, and her desire to manipulate me. Anyway, I can't change her, and I don't want to. But I need to be more aware when I go into friendships. It's like dating someone. At the beginning, he's so cute and funny. But a few months later you're seeing he's not as sweet or funny as he was on the first date. In fact his jokes are stupid. Friendships are like that too.

Years ago I met this woman who lived around the corner from my ex husband and I. We were close to the same age, same socio-economic strata, and culturally very similar. I thought, oh, this is great, a friend. Well what I found out in the course of my friendship with her was that she was a sociopath. A functioning sociopath with a high paying job. I'm not going to go into major details but this woman forged documents to FEMA so she did not have to pay Federal Flood Insurance. I told her that forging documents to a Federal Agency was a felony. She scoffed at me. I found out other instances where she duped major corporations like Target and Wallmart with their return policy. We are talking thousands of dollars. I mean this woman was and is a petty criminal. Or not so petty. But on the surface, I thought she would be a good match for me as a friend. She wasn't. 

Bottom line is, I have to accept people for who they are, and decide if I want them in my life or not. With the woman who bad mouthed me, it's a no brainer. Not worth my time even in the slightest. I have to accept her and move on. And I have to accept myself the way I am or decide to change. I should not have hung out with her in the first place thinking back. So how I choose potential friends has to be looked at. I have to value myself more than I value a friendship that is not even good or healthy for me.

Evaluating my friendships is definitely important to getting my life on track towards my 51st birthday. I'm too trusting and accepting immediately right off the bat. Not the best or safest way to be. I should try to be more discerning about who I let into my life. A friendship should lift your spirit, and you should want to do the same for them as well. I have a few people in my life like that, a very few.

Several weeks back I met a lovely couple as I was walking my dog. We exchanged numbers and we have emailed a few times. I think I will contact them to see if they want to go for another long walk with myself and my dog Lilly. I need to embrace the concept of going on a walk with them is just the first step on the long journey of getting to truly know them.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and hopefully it will be a more enjoyable path this time.

Until tomorrow and Day 7 of my blog....

Elissa is a freelance writer & graphic designer somewhere in Los Angeles.